Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
