So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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