Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
