i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
