WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
