yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize