Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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