how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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