either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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