I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
