I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize