i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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