Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
two words...techno handjob
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
