i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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