maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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