no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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