I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
