hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Be still, my beating vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
