so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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