I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize