Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
