I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have demons in me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
