I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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