Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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