Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
