Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
