Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
