hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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