used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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