Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
