kristin has been a bad kristin
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
