Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
