your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
