its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
