Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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