Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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