In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
