eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
