She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
