You smell like a Billy Joel song
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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