I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
