If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
