she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
