Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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