She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize