I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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