So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
