Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
