Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
