proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
