Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
