We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
