hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
