I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
