Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
