you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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