I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
