I CAN MOONWALK!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
