69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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