a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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