He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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