Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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