im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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