i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
