Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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