I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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