I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
