Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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