I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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