I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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