i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
