FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
