I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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