I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
