At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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