I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
