She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
