Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
