i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize