What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize